You are beautiful.  Repeat that. Memorise it. Wake up every morning, look in the mirror and say it as many times as it needs to be said for you to believe it. When looking in the mirror and thinking negative thoughts about your appearance just imagine that your reflection is another person, separate from yourself.

You wouldn’t want to offend someone other than yourself, would you? So be nice to your reflection! Try to view the person in the mirror as someone else would view them.

“Oh yes, your hair looks lovely today!”  “That outfit really suits you!”

‘What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be’

I have come across this quote so many times, and it always gets me thinking. That idea that something is supposed to be a particular way, that you’re supposed to look a certain way to attract the opposite sex or that you need to follow models, celebrities or the unreal idea of beauty that these magazines publish is absurd.

First things first, as Albert Einstein beautifully said ‘the woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before’. You will never find out your true value and capabilities if you don’t step outside that box that society has built for you.  Don’t be the woman who steps out in the cold in a dress that barely covers anything in order to attract sleazy men and get compliments that have no worth or meaning.  Don’t be the woman who runs after men in order to add purpose or meaning to her life. Don’t be the woman who needs the acceptance of society to be happy.  Your looks should never be the reason you attract men, get a job or succeed in life. It should be your character. And yes we do live in a materialistic world, but because it has become so rare to find a person who focuses on her talents and skills, you will shine, be it at a job interview or finding that guy who will adore you for your beautiful personality and the fact that you respect yourself.

Grasp that a low opinion of you is not ‘modesty’, its self-destruction. When I see girls that crave compliments and when told they are beautiful, deny it and say things like ‘I am fat’ or ‘ I look so ugly’, it infuriates me. You not only demean yourself but you show the world not only that you have no respect for yourself but that you rely heavily on what people think of you. And that’s not how it’s supposed to be. Thank them for their compliment and smile. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not ‘egotism, it is a necessary precondition to happiness and success. You are in no way stuck up or think too much of yourself if you love yourself, ooze confidence and reject societies norms. To be different is to be beautiful. I cannot stress it enough that when you move past the need for men to compliment you, to want you and to find you attractive based on what you are wearing, you will feel empowered. Please do not go out half naked, attract sleazy men and then complain you can’t find a decent guy. Your modesty brings out the modesty of others and the level of respect you receive is determined by the amount of modesty you show. Immodest and attractive is easy. Modest and repulsive is easy too. But modest and attractive is an art form.

Surround yourself with the people you love and those who will find a spare few moments in their busy days to see you or ask you how you are. Those are the people who will help you flourish, and not only that but bring a smile to your face every day. At the end of the day, being happy is all this life has to offer really. There’s no point in having money or a good career, if it doesn’t make you happy.  Do your best to keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions and self-esteem. Most people you come across in life will do that to you. Just remember that small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.  It’s such a beautiful feeling knowing you have friends and family who encourage you every day to go out and seize the day, to inspire you and to motivate you to be your best. I am so thankful for having the most wonderful mum. Most days, she literally wakes me up every morning screaming ‘Shabnam you have an assignment due’ or ‘Shabnam , the books are waiting’. She’s my rock and I love her for constantly bringing me back to reality. When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition it is important with whom you regularly associate. Hang out with friends who are like-minded and who are also designing purpose-filled lives.  Never hold resentments for the person who tells you what you need to hear; count them among your truest, most caring, and valuable friends. Those are the people who care about you most. By telling you what you are doing wrong and criticising you, they are pushing you towards bettering yourself.

Indulge in that perspective that ambitions mean everything. If you don’t have dreams, you’ll have nightmares. There is nothing more attractive in a woman, than when she knows what she wants and she will work her backside off to get it. Having an ambition easily distinguishes you from others. But it’s not only saying you wish to attain a certain path in life; you need to work for it. Don’t cry over why something isn’t going your way or that you’ve tried but keep failing. Winners never quit and quitter’s never win. If something means the world to you, nothing should prevent you from getting there.

In most case, nothing good will ever happen if you don’t say yes to something, even when saying no could be so much easier. Just take a moment and think about what you want to achieve. Try to measure the risk, and if that risk feels OK, then go ahead and do it. If you genuinely have the capacity for hard work – if you’re the kind of person who is active and productive, then you’re already ahead of the pack.

Another thing that so incredibly rare is genuine people. Always act with honesty and sincerity. You will be valued for being truthful and authentic. Make authenticity your priority. Try to make it your number one goal when you’re in a situation and even when you feel vulnerable, because when authenticity is your goal and you keep it real, you will never regret it.  The most beautiful people are the honest ones, because even if you fail or get your feelings hurt, you know you were genuine and went about true to yourself. It feels great!

Truly believe that your passion can create the life you want. Never stop challenging yourself and never stop learning, as the university of life never stops creating knowledge. Be kind and never look down on anyone, anywhere.

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

Live for the moment, be spontaneous and embrace the day. Never be afraid to fail because you only have to get it right once.

By Shabnam Nasimi